Merry Christmas

Wishing everybody a happy & wonderful Christmas.

For those who are parents affected by parental child abduction or alienation and are not able to see their children, my heart goes out to you and empathise with the hurt that you will undoubtedly be feeling.
 
Please stay strong and try to enjoy the season as much as possible with the people around you who, in many cases, share your frustration with the system and really do care about you and your child(ren)!!

If you have your children with you this year, treasure every single moment with them. They will never be this age again.. You are very blessed..xx

Thank you to everybody that have stayed the distance, inspired me and helped me to stay focused and positive when inside I my heart has been shredded. Even more so with the sudden passing of my mother recently.. . For such a small lady, she had a huge heart and such great courage.. A true inspiration. She is missed so much.

I really can't put into words how much I appreciate all that have given so much love and support.
Love and best wishes!!! One Day Closer!! xx

One Day Closer office

One Day Closer is an office in Villamartin Plaza, Spain who try to support families who are affected by parental child abduction and parental alienation by providing information and contact details necessary to ensure a quick resolution in the best interest of the children and of the family.

We give our wholehearted support for the UK charity Reunite International Child Abduction Centre and one of our objectives is to raise funds for their advice line (0044 (0)116 2556 234)  through various events and activities.


Please help us to achieve this through our JustGiving pages or join our fundraising team (https://www.justgiving.com/teams/reunite-spain)

Parachute Jump - June 2016

Next June I will be taking a leap out of an aircraft as another fund raising event to support Reunite International Child Abduction Centre .

This is something that my mother Doreen Dalton always wished to do but unfortunately, due to health issues, was not given permission by her GP to do so. I will be doing this in her memory

If you would like to participate with me for this event, please let me know so I can get the forms sent out to you. email: onedaycloser.reunite@gmail.com

Thanks

Steve

One Day Closer office in Villamartin Plaza, Spain

The One Day Closer shop in Villamartin Plaza, Spain has recently been renovated and reformed as an office environment to provide a place where families affected by parental child abduction can obtain information and contact details that might help them to be reunited with their children.

We will continue to organise fund raising events for the Reunite International Child Abduction Centre charity and aim to raise awareness of parental child abduction / alienation as much as we can.

ONE DAY CLOSER
Aiming to raise awareness international child abduction & alienation
and to support of Reunite International Charity (Reg No. 1075729)
Avda Brisas, Local 21, Villamartin Plaza
Orihuela Costa, Alicante, Spain
03189
onedaycloser.reunite@gmail.com
0034 966 184 469

 Thank you also to Spain Estate for their kind support

Thank you - Mom's funeral

Thank you to St James' Church, Barrow, Father Jack-Knill-Jones, Little & Caine Limited, all our family & friends who came to Mom's service and for all of the lovely messages from friends who could not be here today. Really means so much all xxx

She was a loving caring mother, grandmother and great grandmother whose life centred around her family. An amazing lady who will be missed by many.

She gave her wholehearted support for the work of the Reunite International Child Abduction Centre charity who have been wonderful emotional support for my family. https://www.justgiving.com/Doreen-Dalton-reunite

She was also a supporter of the Furness Cancer Nurses Fund (Macmillan Nurses) https://www.justgiving.com/Doreen-Dalton-mcmillan for which she completed 3 bungie jumps and a firewalk in the decade prior to her passing.. (yes... really)

Donations can be made in her memory on the links above

Sad News - Mrs Doreen Dalton (my mother)

I am very distraught to have to announced that my mother, Mrs Doreen Dalton, passed away last week at her home in England.

Her funeral will take place at St James Church, Barrow-in-Furness on Monday 16th November at 11.00am.

As a loving mother, grandparent and amazing lady who was wishing to be reunited with her grandchild, she gave her wholehearted support for the work of the reunite international child abduction centre charity who have been wonderful emotional support for my family.

http://www.justgiving.com/walkacrossborders 

She was also a supporter of the Furness Cancer Nurses Fund (Macmillan Nurses)  http://www.macmillan.org.uk/donate

Any messages can be sent via my email address s.monkdalton@gmail.com

She will be missed so much by many... RIP Mom :( xxx

Understanding Stages of Grief applied to Parents Affected by Parental Child Abduction / Alienation / Retention

“The death of a child is indisputably one of the most incredibly horrible tragedies one can imagine. Whether by sudden accidental circumstance, or by a more lengthy cause as in illness, the loss of a child is undeniably painful to experience. Painful to the parents, parents to the family, and painful to anyone related to the child. Never knowing the laughter of that child again or the tears, the joys and the accomplishments is a pain no parent should ever have to endure, and yet it happens. No one might be to blame. It can just happen”. (Tim Line)

Imagine a similar pain and the same sense of loss, with one exception-the parent is very much aware that the child is alive.

The effects of Parental Alienation, Parental Child Abduction and retention are very similar to the loss of a child in some other way.  However, the bereavement cannot end. 

This feeling of bereavement can also affect the child that an abducting/alienating parent claims to love and can have serious emotional scars that can remain for a long period of time - If not for a lifetime.

Yet, parental child abduction and parental alienation remain as silent abuses that the effects never seem to be fully understood unless you or your family have to cope with this trauma yourselves.

Even parents that are lucky enough to have any contact whatsoever with their children, Parental Alienation, where a custodial parent maliciously tries to destroy the relationship between the child and target parent, rips the innocent child from their arms slowly. They witness the suffering. They witness the effects but they feel powerless to do anything about it. 

The very sad part of this is it is not unique. There are hundreds of thousands of children and parents affected by Parental alienation and also thousands of cases involving parental child abduction but it is only recently that law professionals are starting to sit up and take notice of the traumatic  emotional damage that this can cause target families and children.

If you are a parent, spend a moment to look at your children and imagine what it would be like if you woke tomorrow morning to find that they are not there and you have no idea where they have been taken to or if you will ever see them again. Imagine the minefield of legal litigation required to locate and reunite with your children once they have been found to have been abducted abroad?

Imagine pleading for help from authorities, courts, family, friends and groups but they are powerless or reluctant to help to reunite you with your child and can even facilitate the abduction, alienation and retention by their inaction.

People find it very difficult to understand the effects on a target parent. Many feel that eventually, time should allow you to "get over it" and just carry on with life but it is not that simple. 

Let us look at an extended Kübler-Ross model that tries to explain the stages of grieving and see how that can be applied to a parent who is retained from their children’s lives.

Stage 1: SHOCK AND DENIAL.

In many cases, a target parent can actually identify the signs that abduction and alienation might occur but they are often given false reassurances that this will not happen or is not happening by authorities and legal professionals. When it does, the initial trauma is one of shock and numbness. However, there is a belief that everybody around will be just as horrified at the situation and will do everything they can to find a resolution to return the child to the situation prior to abduction/retention

Stage 2: EMOTIONS ERUPT.

Unlike a bereavement resulting from death, the shock never really passes as a target parent fails to understand how the situation could have occurred and begins questioning people around them. One minute they were a loving parent sharing their children’s lives and the next, it is taken away from them, often through no or little fault of the affected parent. Emotions can overflow their usual boundaries. They are expressed in ways ranging from wrenching sobs to gentle tears. 

The strongest try to look for a resolution quickly and place their trust in authorities, lawyers, courts and organisations to help them resolve the situation. These emotions heighten even further if heinous “tactics” are used by the other parent to achieve their alienating objectives such as false allegations. This stage in the grieving process is also without end.

Stage 3: ANGER.

Mixed with the hurt, many people feel angry. “How could the other parent do this to them?”, “Why aren’t people doing enough to help?”, in cases where false allegations are used as a mechanism to aliene and retain their child, “Why are the authorities listening to them? This is NOT me that they are talking about!” They sometimes want to retaliate. Although the anger is towards the other parent for their actions, it can also be transferred to other areas such as the lawyers and authorities for their apathy and inaction. The anger can also be misdirected at people closest to the target parent through their absolute despair of the situation and this can affect friendships, relationships and support. This anger one feels can reappear so once again is another stage in the process than can be without end

Stage 4: SICKNESS.

Often the body acts out the pain being felt through actual physical symptoms. Nausea, headaches, diarrhoea, extreme fatigue, lack of sleep  are common. In some cases, panic attacks can occur that can be compared to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) especially in situation such as family court proceedings. Once again, as these litigation processes can be ongoing, so can recurrences of the sickness stage.

Stage 5: PANIC.

Along with a time of sickness and emotional upset, people begin to realise that they aren’t acting like themselves anymore. They begin to worry, wondering if they are becoming mentally ill. They frequently ask themselves “What is happening to me?”. From the outsiders point of view, this is often met with wrongful judgement. They can lose sight of the person they really are and just start to see the shell of the person that the target parent might be becoming without the help to keep them strong and focused. The longer it takes for resolution, the harder it is for the target parent to cope. Apathy often occurs in other aspects of the target parents lives that could affect their work and personal lives.

Stage 6: GUILT.

Personal guilt feelings build up as people wonder whether they are somehow to blame for the situation they find themselves in. They ask themselves if they could have done something to make it different….  “if only . . .”

Stage 7: DEPRESSION AND LONELINESS.

The pain of their loss often causes people to withdraw into themselves. As the depression deepens, friends and family find it harder to draw the person out, to talk them into participating in regular activities again. Many suffer detachment issues in their relationships with others. Mixed with the other stages that are still present in some form, without understanding of family and friends, it can appear as though the target parent does not WANT to be around people who care when it is, in fact, quite the opposite.

Stage 8: RE-ENTRY TROUBLES.

Once the effort is made to get back into the normal routine, the pain of loss makes it difficult to be as trusting and open as before the loss. Suspicion must be battled constantly. Friends and families are tested again and again.

Stage 9: HOPE.

Only the very strongest emotionally of the target parents can maintain this. They focus on areas that might be able to help others in a similar situation. They identify the failures in the system that do not seem to protect and try to do something about it. Some try to become advocates or write a book about their experiences. Raise awareness in whatever way they can. Some affected parents can never reach this stage as they feel defeated, betrayed and can even result in major depression or even suicide.

Stage 10: ACCEPTING AND AFFIRMING REALITY.

Sadly, a parent who continues to be subjected to alienation and retention can never fully reach this stage. Many are forced into a position where they have to box all of the emotions that they feel and “give up” on finding a solution as a means of self preservation. Although they do not give up on their love for their children, they give up hope of ever being a parent to that child again.

Conclusion

In conclusion to this short paper, it appears that when a child is retained, alienated and/or abducted the grieving processes begins but can NEVER end until there is resolution. Unfortunately, in many cases, this forced "living bereavement" goes without deterrent or accountability in the family courts or by authorities which continues to subject families to this abuse.

Welcome Home Party

Thank you so much to Michelle, Shani & Carlos and all staff at Chemies Lounge Bar for the Welcome Home Party. Also to all who have supported Walk Across Borders, Reunite International and me personally..

Welcome Home Party - Chemies Lounge Bar featuring Shani Ormiston

This Saturday (17th October), a welcome home party has been arranged at Chemies Lounge Bar, Villamartin...  featuring the amazingly talented Shani Ormiston. Thanks for arranging this.

It would be fantastic to see you there. Entry is free.

Post walk thoughts

Well... A couple of days have passed since the end of Walk Across Borders. I have had some time to relax and reflect and it's been quite a roller coaster journey in many ways but also an amazing experience that I would do again tomorrow if I could.

I am staying with friends at the moment in UK who have been so fantastic to me and my family on a personal level at a times where I most needed it.. Thanks Nat & Ade.. I will never forget that

I just have a few more things to do here and then it's back to work..

Just as an addition to that, my employer has been fantastic in supporting me in giving me the time off to complete this so thank you Mark. That's really appreciated... I realise that you thought it was a crazy task that would be difficult but... I've done it :)

Looking forward to seeing friends and family back home in Spain ...

Thanks again to everybody who has provided me with so much love, support and encouragement. .. One Day Closer

Day 44 - Brentford to Royal Courts of Justice, London

I cannot believe that Walk Across Borders is now completed. It has been an amazing experience and a personal achievement for me. I stated my reasons and my goals and I feel that these have mainly been achieved

Thank you to everybody who has supported me throughout. It really has meant so much.

Day 44 began at Brentford railway station and I decided to take the route which would take us down by Chelsea Embankment although this made it a little longer, it seemed a nicer route..

It was fantastic to see my friend Holly amongst the people who joined us.. Really did mean a lot that she and her partner made the journey down from Taunton.. Glad we mannaged to catch up at Hammersmith.. I was getting worried that you wouldnt catch us for a while :)

We stopped a few times on the journey since this was a much shorter walking day than any of the other days and arrived at the Royal Courts of Justice at just after 3.15 pm..

Following the end of the journey, we went for a celebration drink and cake at Pret a Manger..

 Thank you again for all of your support.. 12.1 miles completed which made the TOTAL distance for Walk Across Borders to be 1083.2 miles.. (1743.25 km)

Some of you might be glad to hear the the lyca will now go in the back of my wardrobe for a while :)...

Thank you so much everybody for your amazing support and very kind comments. Each and every one have been so appreciated.

WALK ACROSS BORDERS IS COMPLETED

Thank you everybody who walked with me today and any of the other days... To Michelle who I wish would have been able to be here today... She did most of the work.. I just did the walking

Thank you to the team at Reunite International Child Abuction Centre. In particular, Alison Shalaby who is an absolute diamond

Thank you also to Irene for inviting me to stay and oh wow.... THE BATH !!!! Nearly fell asleep in there!!

I have a few things I need to do in the UK before returning home but I am going to go quiet on social media for a little while so if my facebook page becomes disabled, dont worry... I'm ok and I'll be back

I hope you will continue to follow this page as I have further plans for Walk Across Borders in the future..
http://walkacrossborders.blogspot.com.es/

Also, if you would like to donate to my nominated charity, Reunite International Child Abduction Centre, you can do so on my JustGiving page www.justgiving.com/walkacrossborders

If you wish to be in touch the next few weeks, contact me on s.monkdalton@gmail.com or my mobile 0034 622 925754..

Love and best wishes

Steve xxx